How to Speak Up for Yourself with Davida P Jones

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If you’ve ever had difficulty speaking up for yourself, you’re definitely gonna want to tune into this conversation I had with the Davida P Jones on today’s Corrie Lo Show. 

You’ll learn actionable strategies you can use to start feeling more confident in your conversations starting today. By the end of our conversation, you’ll have a better idea of the positive changes that can happen to your relationships as a result and exactly how to go about it. 

Believe it or not, at one point in time had lost my own voice during my emotionally abusive marriage. I found it really difficult to be able to speak up for myself and it took me a really, really long time after my divorce to rebuild my confidence enough to find it again. Davida experienced similar challenges and it made for a really great conversation between the two of us not only on speaking up but on rebuilding confidence as well as navigating difficult life challenges like Davida’s own experience with abandoned pregnancy. 

Some highlights from today’s conversation include:

The Disadvantages Of Suppressing Or Repressing 

Suppressing or repressing your thoughts and emotions helps absolutely nobody, especially yourself, it actually silences your voice, which makes you less confident and you not feeling control. And at the same time, it makes it that other people around you can’t experience your valuable thoughts and experiences. So next time you feel like you’re not confident enough to speak up, do everyone a favor and voice your ideas and opinions because you actually may help others in the process. 

Relationships Change When You Change

If you want to truly transform your relationships, that transformation starts with you. When you start working on being your best self and by communicating your own truths, you inspire other people around you to be the same. So you attract what you put out.  So put out positivity in the world and that is what you will receive back. 

Ask More Questions

A great way to connect with other people is by being sure to ask questions. This was a tip that Davida gave that really kind of struck home for me. It helps other people understand that you are really hearing what they have to say and are making a conscious effort to understand the point that dark trying to make, even if it’s a point that you don’t necessarily agree with. So anytime you get into any kind of disagreement or you’re in a difficult conversation, make it a point to listen to the other person’s side. 

So check out the full conversation by watching the video, listening to the podcast, or reading the below transcript.

What was your favorite take away in a conversation with Davida today? Definitely be sure to leave a comment below or tag me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I’d absolutely love to hear what you thought and get involved in the conversation. 

Show Transcription:

Corrie Lo: 00:00 If you’ve ever had difficulty speaking up for yourself, you’re definitely gonna want to stick up for this conversation I had with the Davida P Jones on today’s interview. You’ll learn actionable strategies you can use to start feeling more confident in your conversations starting today. By the end of our conversation, you’ll have a better idea of the positive changes that can happen to your relationships as a result and exactly how to go about it. My name is Corrie Lo Giudice and I’m a motivational strategist and speaker who believes it or not at one point in time had lost my own voice during my emotionally abusive marriage. I found it really difficult to be able to speak up for myself and it took me a really, really long time after my divorce to rebuild my confidence enough to find it again. My guest today is Davida P Jones experienced similar challenges and it made for a really great conversation between the two of us not only on speaking up but on rebuilding confidence as well as navigating difficult life challenges like Davida’s own event in pregnancy. Before we go ahead and get started. If you enjoy self-help and motivational content just like this, be sure to stop right now and hit subscribe. That way you’ll be updated for the next time and you have sowed heirs. Now let’s dive into today’s show. My guest Davida P Jones is a CEO, teacher, speaker, author, and health and wellness, coach. Our work is focused on helping women, especially single mothers, empower themselves and transform. I’m really excited to have to Davida on the show today to share her inspirational story with you. And now it’s time for the story to begin. Hello everyone, and welcome to today’s Corrie Lo Show.

Corrie Lo: 01:38 I am so excited to have on today. Davida P Jones. How you doing today, I’m great. How are you? I am good, thank you. I’m excited to kind of dive into this interview Davida and I got to talk for a few minutes before we hit record. So I’m actually really excited to learn more about your story. So I always start the show every single show with the same exact question. So we’re going to start from there. What was childhood like for you?

Davida: 02:04 I was raised in a very Christian home setting. I was in church literally almost every day of the week. I know we all hear those stories, but I’m raising a two-parent household, two siblings and Christian was a church was our background. So and that really was a good foundation, for me. But also my childhood was pretty traditional, whereas the parent was stay in the parents’ place in childhood had to stay in a child’s place. So there I, you know, would have to kind of suppress my feelings, my emotions, and then he had to say I didn’t have an opinion really. I just had to follow my parents. So although my childhood was pretty bad, my parents did the best they could to, you know, give me a great childhood. It was pretty kind of set the foundation for my life.

Corrie Lo: 02:52 Sure. Okay. So in what way did that affect you as you like transition to young adulthood?

Davida: 03:00 Yes, so experienced that parent-child dynamic, which as I’m a mom now I know that it may not be the healthiest choice to, you know, say, you know, I’m the parent and you’re the child and you have to listen to me when everyone, no matter how old or young we are, we all have a, a voice and we all have an opinion. And you know, I feel that that is important to listen to what your children’s have to say. So it did affect me and my young adulthood because I transitioned to corporate America and transition around, you know, college and being in the settings where I was scared to voice my opinion and I was, I had so many creative ideas and I did not want to include them in any of our conversations because I was scared that someone would think it’s stupid or people would think that I’m that intelligent. So for a long time, I mean, literally like seven or more years, I had to kind of coach myself out of that childhood insecurity and really grow and love the person that I am.

Corrie Lo: 03:59 Oh, okay. That’s interesting. So I kind of grew up in a similar environment, you know, where my parents were strict and had certain expectations and stuff like that, but still a very, very good childhood. So I was curious how this was for you. So was it specific to, you know, your thoughts and ideas or, I know for me, like I had difficulty in my adult life feeling confident in my decisions, right? Cause anytime I would try to make a decision as a child it was always questioned, you know what I mean? And then I always made me think, okay, well I’m making the wrong decision and I obviously have to always get told by parents to know that I’m on the right track. So how did that work for you? Was it the same, similar experience?

Davida: 04:40 So, so my insecurity was kind of like if I was experiencing an emotion, if it was hurtful or if I was angry or if I was opinionated about anything. And that was cost-sensitive many times as a child, but I was not allowed to express that. You know, it was just like you’re a child. So you know, you don’t know what’s good for you or you don’t, you know, you don’t know how you feel. You know, I’ve heard those things all the time. So growing into adulthood, if someone offended me, you know, I would just absorb it and I would take and I will suppress those feelings and I wouldn’t say anything. And then one day I was just, you know, erupts, you know, like a volcano and I realized that that was not healthy communication style and it definitely wasn’t a healthy friendship or family dynamics.

Corrie Lo: 05:30 Oh for sure. Yeah. And I had the same problem growing up. So I’ve always repressed and I remember it, you know, it’s interesting telling people now. So my, my ex-husband and I, we would get into fights and I would explode so bad, I would throw things people to meet me. Now they’re like, you’re like the most even-tempered person I’ve ever met cause I used to repressed it just explode eventually over the years, you know, I learned how to effectively communicate. Yeah. The heal my relationship. So what did that process look like for you to kind of learn how to start letting your emotions go and to start communicating?

Davida: 06:06 Well, it wasn’t an easy process because along the journey I did a lot of self-guilt. I would beat myself up if I didn’t speak up. I didn’t, if I wouldn’t, you know, defend myself, I will feel some like I was doing myself a disturbance. And part of that incorporate setting, I did feel like I was doing myself a disservice of not speaking up because if there was a creative idea this one a month later came up with the same idea. It’ll get all the phrases and the accomplishments of it. And I’m sitting here in the back of life, you know, that was my idea and I was scared to think that someone was going to be stupid. So it took years, years, years of me just, you know, really coaching, kind of talking to myself, saying like, Hey, what’s the worst thing that can happen if you, you know, you pitch your idea or if you tell somebody how you truly feel, what is the worst thing that could really, really happen?

Davida: 06:54 And those consistent affirmations to myself of just to speak your truth, speak your truth. Over time I realized that I started to kind of stick up for myself and offer creativity and there have been many times where I felt that my ideas were stupid, but I felt proud of myself of actually communicating that over. And then also being able to stick up for myself, kind of built respect around mine. So, you know, people kind of built respect towards me and in my career and things like that because I started to open my mouth. So I want to say it took me about a good seven to 10 years to kind of get this thing rolling. But yeah, that’s definitely coming from the child dynamic. And it’s so important to let your children kind of speak and express themselves.

Corrie Lo: 07:40 Sure. No, I agree. It’s funny because recently I’ve been getting into arguments with my son, my son’s four. Okay. And his thing is, well, I’m the boss, you’re not the boss and it’s such a fine line to have to go cause I want him to have his own say and we say no to certain things and stuff like that. But at the same time, I can’t let him run the show. So it’s a fine line too, to kind of, but yeah. So I wanted to ask you too, so when it came to your own personal development and learning how to, you know, speak your truth, was that more of a, you know, something that you became self-aware of, that you decided enough is enough, I want to speak up? Or was it something that you heard from outside sources saying, Hey, do you realize that you do this?

Davida: 08:24 Okay. so I would say a little bit of both. I definitely was self-aware because it would, it would beat me up inside, you know, that I did not express my feelings. And when you don’t express your feelings, you go home with that stuff. You know, when you go to sleep at night, you know, regardless of your sleep next to someone or night, you literally internalize everything that you’re at, you’re thinking that you’re feeling. So it’s kind of like a little, you know, body mental prison that you put yourself in. So after the many situations that I’ve myself into this mental prison is like, I need to do whatever I need to do to break from this. So I believe in mentors. I believe in having wise counsel around me. So I remember, you know, going to a mentor of mine saying, Hey, this is what I’m struggling with.

Davida: 09:09 For some reason, you know, I feel that I’m an outspoken person, but when I get in groups or I get around, you know, corporate or professional and even like that, I kind of clam up and they basically, you know, this is normal. So, you know, if someone else is feeling the same way, it is a normal feeling. But I think it comes from just, you know, being aware of it yourself, being aware of the mental prison. If you feel like the uncomfortability when you’re, you know, being observant of around crowds or groups of people. If you feel like you have something to say but you can’t say it. That would probably be like the first indicator of, you know, self-awareness, of this issue.

Corrie Lo: 09:48 Right. Okay. I know what I could, I could kind of relate to what you’re saying too. Cause I know for me, if there became a point that I, I was angry at myself for becoming so angry, you know what I mean? For exploding like that. And I’m like, I know this isn’t me. This isn’t the type of person I am. I should address and figure out what’s wrong that this is the way I react. So that makes a ton of sense. So what was, what was next for you, you know, on your journey after realizing that?

Davida: 10:16 Really just becoming more vocal in my family and my friendships. I realized they start to change first when I started to express myself. So there’s two sides of every corner. So some people didn’t like it and some people love it, you know, and used to, you know, somebody used to, you know, Davida taken all the hits and taken all of the, you know, drama and just kinda eating it, then turn it around to give you this person saying, Hey, I’m not going to take this anymore. You lose friendships. But then you gained some because you know, people’s like, okay, I have more respect for you that your family standing up for yourself and also, wow, you’re freaking intelligent. Like you have all these creative ideas and it’s like you’re a genius, you know, blowing. You kept all this from us and now that you’re comfortable, you know, with expressing it is like now I’m into all sorts of things. So it’s helped me towards my career, my personal development, also be helping other people. So this it’s like it seems like a small transition from not speaking to speaking, but it really opens up so many doors of opportunity when you are standing in your truth and you’re confident in who you are rather, you know, whatever you have to say is, you know, you think is not important or not, you know, you, you learned that it builds that self-esteem but then you

Corrie Lo: 11:29 Sure. Okay. And how much did you know finally being able to speak your truth around your family and stuff like that affect your own personal boundaries with stuff? Did it make it easier for you to communicate what those were?

Davida: 11:44 No, not really. Because you know, there’s different styles of communication and the first hump is to get the kind of courage to express yourself. That’s the first time. And then the second hub is to make sure you express yourself in a way that is going to be communicated in a positive way. Now, we can’t always communicate in positive, but like you said before, he got into an argument and blew up and then, you know, but there’s ways to communicate your idea across and not be offensive and had a person, you know, hear you. So there was definitely obstacles that I had to overcome and that’s all about, you know, communication style. So this is still a long journey. I’m still in a working journey. I have a two-year-old boy just like you do not have to learn how to communicate with him and his level and then when he gets 13, I have to learn how to communicate with them at 13. So it is definitely an ongoing process. So yeah, you definitely have many obstacles when it comes down to communication, expressing yourself.

Corrie Lo: 12:43 Right. And when it comes to toddlers, it’s like trying to negotiate with a terrorist. Yeah. Everything’s, no, no, no, no, no. And that was actually what my son had said to me this morning too, cause he was like, but I’m allowed to say no, you know, and the truth, I’m like, I, I don’t want him growing up thinking that he can’t say no. And you know, that’s why I brought the boundary question too. Yeah, know he needs to be able to effectively communicate his boundaries. But I was like, how do I explain this to him? So that’ll be something that we’re, we work on. Landon knows right now. And I feel that if that same boundaries

Davida: 13:22 Too is all about asking questions, you know, like asking questions to whoever they’re speaking with, you know, how do you feel about this? You know? And I feel as though with my little toddler, I mean, he’s only two years old, but he does understand it. So if he says something like, no, or I don’t want it, then I’ll ask, why, why don’t you want it? Right? And he’s like, I don’t want it. And I’m like, well, why? You know, so I feel, you know, even though he’s young at that works in my adult life of, you know, boundaries of we have a disagreement or whatever, whatever I’m trying to persuade over, I think the best thing to do is to ask questions rather than just, you know, go overboard or make your own assumptions or anything like that. But, so I just wanted to speak to that part.

Corrie Lo: 14:02 Oh, definitely. Yeah. And I love, I love, you know, the tactic or strategy I should say of asking questions because that’s such a valuable skill to learn. Yeah. Especially when you’re in any kind of a high conflict situation, being able to ask questions actually shows the other party that you’re, you’re trying to understand whatever it is that they’re trying to get across. And it makes it more of a two-way conversation so people are less likely to shut down. Yeah. Yeah. That’s great. All right. So, you know, you learn how to speak your truth, you know, we’re being honest with people, friends, and family. It was improving your relationships, it was helping your career. Yeah. What happens from there.

Davida: 14:44 So, along with that I struggled for a long time trying to find my life purpose. And that was about over 10 years. I would, you know, it was kind of like the anger that I was still inside. Like, Hey, you know, I had these friends and family who, you know, became police officers and doctors and lawyers and you know, all types of new nurses and, and me, it’s like, I don’t want to be any of those things, but I don’t know what I want to be. And so that was pretty much going alongside of speaking my truth of then really finding out, okay, well who am I and what truth do I have to speak? Because it’s like, I don’t necessarily know. So I went through like about 10 years worth of just trial and error, trying to be a realtor, working in sales. I mean, I tried it all and nothing worked out.

Davida: 15:34 And I was like, so I remember I being depressed and going through all of those mental health issues because that’s the like, I know that there’s something valuable for me to do, but I don’t know what it is. And I feel like every day that passes by, I’m just wasting time. So that was the next journey of figuring out how to find my life purpose and also make an impact in other people’s lives. All right. Okay. So, so what kind of strategies did you use to try to discover what that life purpose was? Well, the first thing is I do recommend especially to the youth is to try things. You don’t know what you like until you try something or you don’t know what you disliked until you try it and you’re like, okay, I hate it. You know, I’ve always been the person who was kinda hopping from job to job and we, you know, as millennials kind of, you know, do that often, but it’s not really a bad strategy because you’re trying to figure out, you’re trying to figure yourself out and figure the world out.

Davida: 16:30 That will be the first strategy that I would recommend is to try things. The second thing would be to turn inward. And you hear this all the time and I know it’s so cliche about the things, like what do you like to do, what would you, what would you do if you, you know, didn’t get paid to do it, you know, those types of questions. But those are true. And they’re right, but they are set up. They, they’re settled. You know, it’s not something that’s really, you know, in inside the box. And I realize that people who struggle with finding their purpose overtime for like 10 plus years like I did came to, I came to the conclusion that my purpose is not inside of a box is not a doctor, a lawyer is outside the box. So it was like, okay, so now that I’m aware that what I have to do is outside the box, I started looking kind of outside of the box, you know, what are things that you know, is not common, you know, and what do you, when you, what do you do?

Davida: 17:23 And I realized that on my free time, I would just, you know, right. Even when I was little, I grew up with like poems and music and stuff like that. I never had any clue that I enjoy writing. I just, I just did it and I remember, you know, it was like, okay, if you could just make a wish and have anything off your list, what would you want? And I was like to write a book and I wrote this like I want to say seven years ago on, on him refrigerated. It was like to write a book. And I never have written a book before. I’d never even, you know, it just came out of nowhere. I wanted to write a book. So I would say, you know, pay attention to the little subtle hints that come into your life. The universe sends you. It may sound silly and may be small, but those things actually are, they lead you to what you’re, you’re supposed to do.

Corrie Lo: 18:07 Yeah. I am so excited that you mentioned that as a child that you’d like to write because one of the things, cause I get this question a lot as a coach for myself, right? Since I do a lot of life coaching. And one of the first things I usually ask people is, well, what did you look to do as a child? Because that’s before, you know, society and expectations and stuff like that, the play. So what did you, when you were like up to your soul, you know, as a child, what did you really love doing? So for me it was art and creating and stuff like that, which I do a lot now. I’m so, it’s so interesting to hear. For you, it was ranking. So how, how did that end up manifesting into your quote-unquote purpose? Okay.

Davida: 18:44 So once again, I’ve been on this journey of life and also a spiritual journey. I mean, you know, life has so many different departments. But I remember, you know, reading, becoming an avid reader, I used to read all the time, but it was just like, okay, if you wanna write a book, then you know, let me research how to write a book. Yeah. I started seeing, you know, little blogs saying, you know, you have to read more books. So I realized that I started being more attracted to self-help books. So I’m like, okay, that’s what I’m interested in. And that’s exactly, ultimately I want to do, I just don’t know how to help people. I don’t know what area I’m going to help them, but I just know that I went to so I wrote my first book it was called, it was called manifesting your reality and we just felt, you know, you know, speaking things that you want and how to attract the things and universe kind of like, you know, the secret, you know, the tracks of the things that you want in your life.

Davida: 19:35 And it was kind of that book. And then a funny story is that I, I got always sit in animal that book and my computer, my, my Apple got water damage out of nowhere and I did not have that book backed up and that whole book was completely gone.

Corrie Lo: 19:49 Oh yes. Oh well at first look down a drain, right? Yes.

Davida: 19:58 So it was, it was a time, but I remember I kept telling myself, you know what that means? There’s another story that means there’s another story that needs to write. This book wasn’t ready to come up yet. So I really was just like, okay so then I went through a traumatic experience and this is where my purpose, you know, one of my purpose, I do believe you have many purposes. So in my, in this space right now my purpose is to help women who experience the same thing as me, which is a single motherhood and started.

Corrie Lo: 20:28 Right here. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And it’s like,

Davida: 20:33 One of the most traumatizing things you can ever go through. And for the longest time, we’ve been told to just kind of eat it because our ancestors kind of just ate it. You know, like, you know, what we have to do is our maternal instinct is to, you know, raise the kids and keep moving no matter what the man is doing, but at but with that, and that’s really good to doable with that, you kind of build deep-seated, you know, roots in groups, you know, that are rooted in bitterness and anger and hurt and brokenness. And I was like, I can’t live like this. So just the kind of double back, I became pregnant and the guy that I was pregnant with did not want the child nor he didn’t want relationships. Okay. So I was left at this crossroad where I had to choose either I was going to abort this child and try to figure this relationship out with him cause that was the ultimatum given me or you know, raise this baby and possibly do without him.

Davida: 21:31 And of course, you know, I have a son, so I chose to raise my child because that’s what God told me to do. So don’t, don’t worry that you know, nine, 10 months process of carrying the child. You know, it really was the most bold that I’ve ever been in my entire life. I felt like I was at rock bottom. I had lived in Miami for five years, had to move back to my hometown and which is like a rural hometown was nothing’s here. And I really felt like I failed myself and I came back. You know, I’ve always imagined, you know, coming from a two-parent household, I’ve always imagined of having that type of family. And here I am a single mom from the gueto. You know, I wasn’t married and they got Wars. I was a single mind for, it was a choice, become a single mom.

Davida: 22:15 And there’s so many women across the world who also make the same choices. So during that time, again, I’m a reader. I was looking for resources to kind of help me and coach me through with it because I’m telling you, when you, when you’re, when you have a baby, when another man and you know a man and DNA is inside your belly and he is, you know, saying things offending you and he’s rejecting you and he’s denying you Amit. It’s just a different type of rage and anger that comes in you and that you have to kind of really kind of get yourself caught or that can transfer it to your baby. So I was really committed to finding material that was gonna help me. And when I realized that there was none, that is how I started writing my book.

Corrie Lo: 22:58 Okay. So it’s through your experience that you’re now able to help other women yes. In the same footsteps. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That anger I totally get too. Cause I my son’s father and I, we split when he was only five months old. Oh yeah. It was very, very early on. But I mean I might as well have been a single mother that because he wasn’t around for any of the pregnancy. Wow. All the appointments by myself actually the delivery I was by myself. Wow. I might as well have been. But yeah. It’s, it’s difficult when you’re in that kind of a vulnerable space to feel like you’re unsupported and you do get resentful. Yeah. In a way that you’re going through it alone. Yeah. For your process being that you’re now other women through it,

Davida: 23:46 What did you find that helped the most? So it’s is really a journey as a process and, and for all those single expecting moms, you know, is, is going to be a process. But to remember that this is just a moment in time. I mean, the average person, you know, lives about 80, 80 years. So you know, to go through this process of having a child and to raise a child, let’s just say, you know, one to two years of this, you know, really intense dynamic, that’s just a moment in time compared to your 80 years of life. So that would be the first thing to kind of realize, you know, kind of take yourself out of it. Cause it’s hard when you’re pregnant, all you’re thinking about is the baby and you know what you’re going to do and how are you going to do it.

Davida: 24:26 But just taking yourself out of the situation, knowing that this is just a moment in time and you’re not gonna always experience this abandonment. You’re not gonna always experience this betrayal and someone is going to come into your future and loves you and your baby. So, you know, that would be the one thing is to kind of step away and look at it from that perspective. Another thing that really helped me. A couple of other things that I wrote a book about. It is like a guidebook and in every chapter, it is a, it gives you 15 chapters and every chapter gives you different stuff on how to cope with the abandoned pregnancy. So I have many strategies but some of it’s for the conversation. A couple of, another thing is therapy. I believe in the counseling therapy, whatever, you know, I believe in getting that from a professional person because holding that inside is, is just not right to you in this matter, right to your baby.

Davida: 25:23 And therapy is another thing that was able to kind of help me get my emotions out and make better decisions. I don’t feel as though I would have made you know, the best decisions during my pregnancy if I wasn’t talking to someone about them first. And then one of the last things that I would recommend is prayer. God is, you know, after like, you know, you go through these traumatic situations for God to get your attention. I don’t believe that he could, I don’t believe that he forces you to go through him. But he allows certain things to happen from our decisions. And I feel as though he wanted to get my attention and in order to get my attention he had to move me from, you know, you know, Miami vice city, you know, lifestyle and yet to move me into like a basically a, a growth period where I had to kind of look and where now there’s no, there’s no longer looking at, you know, the baby daddy or you know, the friends or whatever that failed me is now looking at me and who I choose to be.

Davida: 26:19 Do you want to grow up and be this bitter woman and you want that to be your legacy? Like there’s so many women that I do know who the child is, you know, that dealt 30 in there, still hate the other parent or do you want to basically make, you know, lemons, lemonade out of lemons. And my personality is like, Wow, you know, that I’ve always dreamed of helping somebody. So teach me how to turn this thing around and you sure did. And I’ve made my entire movement over that at classes, that workshop. I also a coach. It’s just a beautiful thing. So now I’m actually grateful that all of this happened to me and I’m almost like I hugged him. Like, thank you for the lessons, right? Yes, yes. It’s through these types of challenges in life that we actually learn what we need to know in order to be able to fulfill our purposes.

Davida: 27:07 That’s one of them that I wanted to start this show, you know, because it’s through these stories, you know, of the darkest periods of life that people really were able to transform the really authentic and beautiful way. So that’s amazing. So your, your book happened right after that. So my book actually was, I was writing, it was so funny because of my editors. She was reading my book and she’s like, I can tell that you were writing this book while you were pregnant because I had a lot of hate stuff in there. Like, look at what all that stuff was edited out. You know, there’s definitely spoke as I empower now, women in power is not a male-bashing book. I do use my experiences because that’s what I’m talking from and that’s my heart right there. But it’s definitely a woman empowerment book. So I wrote the book. Wow. I’m like my last couple of times on my the end of my pregnancy. And then after I had my child went to the process of molding in a kind of shaping it now and now we’re in the final stages for it to come out, you know, next year. So I’m really excited about it. Yeah.

Davida: 28:15 So it was ultimately you feel your purpose was to be like a writer and a coach and to help women through this, this period. What was that like? What did you actually learn? Because I know that was part of your journey earlier before you had your, your child? Well, I definitely learned that I have more than one purpose and that I can still, you know, even with my child can still accomplish those dreams that I’ve always dreamed of. I’ve always dreamed of. You know, being an author and being a philanthropist and traveling the world and being a teacher and being a public speaker, I’ve always had those, those dreams. So I believe in this space right now. My purpose now is to help other single women. And actually in the state of Delaware where I’m located, we have the highest and we’re like the smallest, well, one of the small smallest, but we’re one of the smaller States and we have the highest rates of abortion.

Davida: 29:07 So that is just a, an indicator that women are being forced to be in, not by men, just period. And they’re all with them within themselves. They’re being forced to make decisions that they may not, you know, that they may regret or they may not agree with at the time. And I feel as though if I had this movement that can reach the masses, I can reach a woman who’s, you know, who just got pregnant, who doesn’t know what she’s going to do and she kind of, you know, stumble upon me and she’s motivated to kind of feel empowered that, okay, I can do this. I don’t have to abort my baby because that’s not what I really want to do. You know what I’m saying? Or you know, you’ll have a woman who’s actually full-blown in her term and she’s still just like, I don’t know what I’m going to do and I have this hate and resentment, but I wanted to move forward but I don’t know how I want to help her do that. And then also, in the end, I want to help the moms, the single moms who already had the baby who still struggling. You know, because that’s a whole different that’s a whole different wave of being a single mom when you’re actually pregnant. And then, so you actually had the child, right? Yep.

Corrie Lo: 30:09 It’s hard. It is hard. Okay. I realize I had to bring my son to two weeks ago, I think to his parent-teacher night, cause I got a babysitter, you know, they’re not allowed the one, I’m the only parent with a kid bear, you know, four to five. Luckily he’s a good kid, but still, it’s like people don’t realize it’s not that easy. It’s like you don’t just have, you know, a spouse or somebody that could stay at home. So one of the parents can attend and you gotta make things worked out. We gotta make it work.

Davida: 30:38 Yeah. Yeah. Your life is like put on a back burner and you go through so many different, you know, you don’t want to have postpartum and then human after that, you know, tolerate experienced depression and then in teens, woman are just trying to, now they’re trying to figure out, you know, now the child has kind of grown where they can, you know, self-sufficient. Always trying to figure out what, what do I do with my life now? And Lord knows after, you know, they go to college, it’s like now you’re really lost. So I definitely want to help the single moms, you know, be a better mom, but also be a better you and you don’t have to stop your life and you can still live your purpose, you know, as, as, as, as your mom. It’s hard, but you can do it.

Corrie Lo: 31:16 It’s hard, but it’s worth it. And I also wanted to kind of add to that too, you know, designing the life that you want, even being a single parent. So you mentioned a lot of stuff earlier that really resonated with me as far as like, you know, wanting to live your life purpose, you know, have the career that you’re looking for. I know for me, I want it to be able to travel, you know, and so many people, I started traveling with my son, he was five, five weeks old. I’d be flying and stuff like that. But you know, so many people looked at me like I was crazy and I was like, this is my life. I could do what I want to do with it. And now he’s the one asking me, mom, why don’t we go on our next trip? And you know, the same thing. Like I like museums. I’m going to take my kid to museums. You know, there’s no right or wrong to live anybody’s life. It’s what you want to do and what do you want to share with your children? Those are the ultimate, like most important things and his life. And you know, I’m a big believer, you don’t listen to what everybody else around you is saying. Do what’s right for you and your kids.

Davida: 32:17 Yeah, yeah. It’s really not that. I mean I have, my buddy has frequent flyer miles too. I mean, you know, he has a little pendant now that he wears. I mean he’s always, you know, traveled with me as well. So I’ve learned the same thing. So you know, life does not have to stop, you know, because you have a child, it may stop for just a, you know, a couple of period of times that you can make the baby healthy and raise my room. The child gets to a certain age where he has, you know, he, she has our shots and stuff like that. It’s an easier, you know, it’s an easier life to, to adapt to rather to kind of stay inside and being German and being miserable and depressed, you know, works for you,

Corrie Lo: 32:56 You know. And that goes for, you know, either single or attached parents. You know, there are so many families out there that they just stopped doing things that they actually enjoy doing because of the kids. They don’t think that you know, those are kid-friendly activities. I say screw it, go. And they’ll, they’ll actually start enjoying those same activities with you. Yeah. You know, and it’s, doesn’t, don’t listen to anybody else. My son hates going to the nail salon with me. I’ve never, I’ve never taken my son there knowing him or shopping. He hates, I’m like, you’re such a guy. Alrighty God, you would never believe my son’s favorite store. What he asks to go to home goods. Oh my mommy, can we go to home?

Corrie Lo: 33:46 You know, kids are their own unique individuals, you know, without, you know, exposing them to different kind of activities and you know, places and things and people, they’re never going to find out who they really are and what they really like. So yeah. You know, you can’t shelter them from everything. So eventually he’ll have to go to a nail salon to like, yeah. All right. So what’s one thing you want a woman who’s out there listening right now or watching who you know, maybe pregnant in a single or maybe very recently, you know, had a child as a single parent, what would you want them to know today? Having been through what you’ve been through

Davida: 34:27 That there’s, that there’s help out there, you know, that you do, not, that you’re not alone. Number one, you’re, you’re not alone at all. And that there’s many people across the world that that is experiencing the same traumatizing situation. That’s your experience. I’ve experienced that you have experienced it. I mean, it’s so common, but because you know, we’re in a society that, you know, we’ve learned to kind of deal with things on our own instead of expressing it. It makes, I feel like you’re on your own, but you’re not on your own. So that’s the first thing is to go do it. Do the due diligence of finding your tribe and finding a connect group. I mean, meetup has things, you know, Facebook has groups that you can be a part of. You don’t even have to leave your house. Facebook has a ton of single, you know, expecting moms and single mom groups and hearing other people’s stories that may be worse than yours.

Davida: 35:20 What kind of give you an appreciation for your situation? I mean that, you know, that happened to me, you know, seeing, you know, hearing other people’s stories and like, okay, you know, my guy and whatever, it’s not really that bad of a guy or my situation. That would be that bad of a situation. It could be worse. So also know that it could be worse. Also, do not give up. And this is, you know, I’m very, you know, into, you know, I’m very spiritual and I believe in God and I believe in Jesus and I believe in the Bible and I believe what he teaches and you know, God has a plan for us. And the plan was already mapped out before we even were, you know, in our mother’s womb, before the world. We get, you know, before you know, Adam and Eva and this snake and all that, like we had our names and we had our purposes.

Davida: 36:08 And we had what we’re going to do in life. So knowing that, that this process is a part of your plan and it’s only going to grow you and help you become the woman that you’re designed to be. So take these lemons and you know, cry and eat them. They’re very sour. I know, you know, and do your best, you know, to cope with it, you know, reach out to reach out to friends and also reach out to me. But in the meantime know that because of the situation and because you’re going to overcome the situation, you’re going to have so much to say. You’re going to have so many blessings on the other side. So do not give up,

Corrie Lo: 36:44 Do not give up and take things day by day. Like you said earlier, I know that was the one thing that was so helpful for me, just like focus on today and what needs to be then today and keeping that prize. Keep going. Yes. Beautifully said. Thank you. So Divina, where can our listeners and viewers find you?

Davida: 37:00 So I had my Facebook and my Instagram has the same main, so as msdavidapjones. So this to me to be Jones. And then my website is the www.davidapjones.com. And there I, I’m always consistently, you know, upload on my social media. You will see my workshops. I’m also teaching a class this coming fall by embrace grace, which is a single, I’m expecting moms or single mothers organizations, nonprofit. That’s huge as in every single state. So look up embrace grace. If you’re pregnant right now, look for embrace grace and find a class near you. I’ll be teaching that this fall with some lovely pregnant moms and we’re gonna learn practical life’s tools. We’re gonna learn spiritual life tools. We’re gonna, we’re going to love each other and we’re going to have a baby shower for you. You know, we’re going to celebrate this time cause it really is a happy time and this child does inside of you. You only get this time one time. So we’re going to make your right. So find me on Instagram, on Facebook, on my website. And I can, you know, I can help you point you to the right organization.

Corrie Lo: 38:04 Perfect. Awesome. And we’ll make sure I got, I know I’ve got all your social media links and your books and stuff like that. We’ll make sure to link up to you in the show notes and yeah, no, so thank you so much for coming on the show. I really enjoyed getting to learn more about your story and get to speak to another single mom. Yes, we’re here. Similar journey. We’re here and there’s many of us. You are not alone. I’m just gonna go. Definitely be sure to reach out to Davida. Feel free to reach out to

Davida: 38:29 Me and we will catch you on the next Corrie lo show. So thank you for joining today and thank you to be an effort for having me.

Corrie Lo: 38:36 All right. And there you have it. If there’s anything you’d take away from my conversation with Davida today, I really hope it’s this suppressing or even repressing your thoughts and emotions helps absolutely nobody, especially yourself, it actually silences your voice, which makes you less confident and you not feeling control. And at the same time, it makes it that other people around you can’t experience your valuable thoughts and experiences. So next time you feel like you’re not confident enough to speak up, do everyone a favor and voice your ideas and opinions because you actually may help others in the process. Relationships change when you change. If you want to truly transform your relationships, that transformation starts with you. When you start working on being your best self and by communicating your own truths, you inspire other people around you to be the same. So you attract what you put out.

Corrie Lo: 39:30 So put out positivity in the world and that is what you will receive back. A great way to connect with other people is by being sure to ask questions. This was a tip that Davida gave that really kind of struck home for me. It helps other people understand that you are really hearing what they have to say and are making a conscious effort to understand the point that dark trying to make, even if it’s a point that you don’t necessarily agree with. So anytime you get into any kind of disagreement or you’re in a difficult conversation, make it a point to listen to the other person’s side. If you’re in a situation where you can’t find material to help you get to where you need to go, much like Davida experienced with her abandoned pregnancy. When you do finally figure out what it is that you need to do to get through it, give back to other people and make use of your experience.

Corrie Lo: 40:19 So Divina is now doing that by helping other single women who are proactively going through with there have been pregnancies and making a choice to become a single mother. So what experience have you had that you have not been able to find any kind of information on how to navigate and after you go through that, how can you then create different types of materials or education for other people to mentor them to get through the same thing. And lastly, to beat his number one take-home message for anybody out there who may be experiencing similar situations to what she did, it’s to know that you are not alone. This is something that I drive home each and every day on my social media platforms that no matter what your experience, the numbers speak, otherwise adversity happens to each and every one of us, and there’s somebody out there that’s going through the exact same thing you are.

Corrie Lo: 41:10 It’s just a matter of proactively reaching out to connect with other people who have experienced the same thing you had, finding mentors, as Davida said, mentors were a big part of how she came to where she is today. So seek out those mentors, find a community, relate to other people who have gone through what you’ve gone through, and they will show you the path. What was your favorite take away in a conversation with Davida today? So definitely be sure to leave a comment below or tag me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I’d absolutely love to hear what you thought and get involved in the conversation. Ready for even more interviews just like this one. Be sure to head on over to my website, www.corrielogiudice.com and sign up for my email list. Every single week you’ll receive tips, tools, resources, and interviews designed to help you lead a more emotionally fulfilling life in business. I look forward to connecting with you there.

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